Paradise of a Thousand Shingles

Friday, February 23, 2007

Issuing Rejection

Today I was very sinful. I haven’t ever told this many lies in a row before.

Kara has a stalker. His name is Cyril. They met at a high school dance at Purdue at 4H camp when Kara was 17. He was short and ugly and had a mustache. Naturally, he immediately became enamored with our heroine. Kara spent the evening trying to rid herself of him. Sadly, she had to go to bed early in the girls’ dormitory in order to succeed.

Very unfortunately, Cyril was able to get young Kara’s home phone number through sneaky connections. He called her several times that summer, much to the distress of our heroine. Finally, Kara’s father had to get on the phone and tell him to never call his daughter again.

For nearly three years, Kara lived in (almost) blissful peace. That peace was interrupted when Cyril called Shingle Paradise today, and Kara answered. As soon as he identified himself, Kara hung up the phone.

Three minutes later, the phone rang again. I answered. The following conversation ensued:

“Hello, this is Shingle Paradise.”
“Hey, is this Kara?"
"No, this is Jessica"
"Who?"
"Jessica"
"Can I talk to Kara?"
“I’m sorry, but Kara moved to Wyoming.”
“Really? I just talked to her a few minutes ago.”
“Oh, that must have been Karen. Kara hasn’t lived here for like two years.”
“Her facebook profile said she’s graduating from Purdue this year.”
“Well, it must be wrong. Would you like her new phone number?”
“Yes, please.”

At this point there was a long pause in the conversation while Kara and I searched online for the Rejection Hotline number.

“Are you still there?”
“Yeah.”
“Alright, it’s 641-985-7888.”
“Thanks.”

Several minutes later, our phone began ringing again. I unplugged it. If any of you try to call SP and we don’t answer, that’s why. Try a cell.

10 Comments:

  • At 12:53 AM, Blogger Tamara Rose said…

    *laughing* haha

    oh my oh my!! Now that is serisouly TOO funny! *big huge smile* I am SO sorry Kara, i've had a stalker for one night before, but he hasn't followed me (thankfully) sence then.

    but that is one dedicated guy! dude, that is very very funny!
    *still laughing*
    enjoy the lovely life girls
    ~Tim Tam

     
  • At 2:41 PM, Blogger Kristen Wegener said…

    Umm, I still have to answer him... What do I say?

     
  • At 3:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Tell him the truth. Tell him I never was interested in him, that I never enjoyed our "good conversations," that the man who told him never to call again was, indeed, my father, that I think he's an annoying scary stalking creep... well, that last part isn't very nice so maybe you could tone it down. But not much, because I've never met a denser guy in my life. And make sure to tell him I never want him to contact me ever again. Thanks Kris =)

     
  • At 4:33 PM, Blogger Kristen Wegener said…

    I really love being delegated this job... =P
    I'll probably write tonight.

     
  • At 5:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    It's not my fault...

     
  • At 3:13 PM, Blogger SaraY said…

    That's what us charming flirts always say :-D

     
  • At 2:31 AM, Blogger Jeremiah said…

    How DARE you play with a dense man's heart! (You just stomp it in the ground, throw it in a box, nail it shut, tie a ball and chain around it and toss it in the White River.)

     
  • At 9:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Jeremiah - I can't tell if you're serious or not. Sara thinks you are, and if you are I'd be happy to explain in detail why both this post was necessary and the things said in this post were. If I were playing with "the dense boy's heart" (Cyril is far from a man) then I would flirt with him and lead him along. As it is, since I've met him I've done all I can to get him to leave me alone and not play with his heart.

     
  • At 3:08 PM, Blogger Jessica said…

    Giving someone the rejection hotline # is not playing with their heart--it's an easy way to let them know you're not interested. (unless they're this dense and don't get it--but I really did expect him to take the hint and leave us alone).

     
  • At 9:46 PM, Blogger Kristen Wegener said…

    Except he didn't Jess... Which is really sad.

     

Post a Comment

<< Home